Cafe Preggers

Instead of enjoying a much needed afternoon nap, I dove head first into a massive pile of papers begging to be filed. I've never been really good at keeping the filing pile minimal, but it's also never really bothered me...before. Now it bothers to me to end that one corner of my bedroom has become overrun by a mountain of loan statements, receipts, tax documents, etc. I'm pretty sure it's a result of needing to find all of the extra space possible in order to welcome baby #3 to our home without resorting to putting him/her in the bathtub...and as we all know, clutter takes up more space.

Sooo, after about 30 minutes into my filing extravaganza, I undercovered an issue of Babytalk magazine. Of course, I had to stop my efforts and read through the magazine real quick before I threw it in the "garbage pile" (plus, I had to take a potty break--boy, I forgot just how small the bladder gets when a baby is competing for space). And written on the last page was a menu from "Cafe Preggers"....I thought it was just too funny not to share. Hope you enjoy it just as much as I did.

*******

Cafe Preggers

We always have just what you want, at any stage of pregnancy--from the queasy beginning to those last weeks when the baby has taken up every ounce of spare room in your belly.

First Trimester Menu

Appetizer

Turns compote

Entree

Fresh Saltines on a bed of Saltines, lightly seasoned with Saltines

Beverage

Ginger ale (IV drip available upon request)

Dessert

Ten minutes in a dim room with an ice bag on your head

Second Trimester Menu

Appetizer

Half a roast chicken, extra crispy

Entree*

A succulent leg of lamb smothered in pork chops, served with BBQ ribs and garnished with cheeseburgers (all burnt beyond recognition for your safety)

Beverage

Toll House-pie smoothie, prepared with 1/2 pint heavy cream

Dessert

9"x16" pan of double-fudge brownies

Third Trimester Menu

(Each course followed by a 15-minute neck massage and/or bathroom break)

Appetizer

Three bites of tossed salad

Entree

Two bites of lasagna

Beverage

None-so you'll have room for dessert

Dessert

A Tic Tac

*Double portions available if you're expecting twins